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There are lots of things I could rant about today. Like what ever happened to Women's Lib? Or why the mayor of NYC has to have a decency panel to censor art. These could all be subjects that I could go on about for a good hundred megs. But I'll save those toothsome dainties till another time. Today my subject is (fanfare please) DIET FREAKS
You know the sort. You see them twitching in their seats until it's the dreaded weigh-in time at Weight Watchers. They really haven't stuck to their diets but they really hope they lost those horrible, disfiguring pounds. Their name is called! Trembling they approach the scales. That's right, Hon, kick off the shoes. Lo and Behold!!! (GaSp!) They've lost THREE ENTIRE POUNDS! Everyone cheers!!! YAY!!! Let's hear it for three pounds gone! Then the announcement is made! Miss Fluffy Braincell has met her goal! (WILD APPLAUSE!!!!) Yes, friends, Fluffy has lost the gigantic sum of twelve pounds! Her size three prom dress will fit perfectly. Her little life will be perfect from now on.
Fluffy has SUCH a weight problem.
Fluffy is a victim of Madison Avenue. She has been brainwashed since babyhood that fat is bad. She watched her mother struggle to regain that size ten after little Fluffy was born. She was given Barbie Dolls. She was assaulted by the media that unless you have the figure of a walking stick, you are fat and you are bad. So she gobbles down Exlax and Dexitrim. She guzzles Slimfast. She MUST CONFORM! God only knows what will happen to her if she's fat!!! Life will be HELL!! She MUST see her bones protrude! She has to look like Kate Moss! She MUST wear a size three!
For every Fluffy out there, there is the woman who wants to lose 20 pounds or so. So she goes to the doctor and gets diet pills. There was a big fuss about people dropping dead from FenPhen and Redux, so the govenment cracked down on 'diet pills'. Now you can get Ionamin and Meridia. Do you know these pills can kill you? Yes, lets have a stroke or a heart attack because we have to lose weight. Then we have Xenical. This drug is delightful. If you have too high a fat intake these wonder pills turn all that excess grease (that you shouldn't eat to begin with) into a nightmare case of Montezuma's Revenge... The RUNS FROM HELL. But this is good, because you are fat and you ATE something FAT and now you must suffer.
Then comes the REAL FUN after you lose weight. Go off the pills and BINGO! It allllllll comes back, every ounce and more! So you have to go on another diet... and this goes on and on.
Wouldn't it be great if people just decided to get HEALTHY even if they did have a big ass or fat arms or thighs? Wouldn't it be great if people aimed for HEALTH? Good Blood Pressure numbers , Good Cholesterol Numbers, the owners of a healthy heart and a healthy set of lungs. What would happen if there were people who were large and healthy, who exercised, didn't eat garbage and didn't smoke?
It would never work.
Madison Avenue would NEVER permit it!
God only knows what would happen if we didn't have fat people to pick on. We might have to start picking on other sorts of prejudice that aren't nice to talk about, like police brutality, hate crimes, age discrimination, homophobia and crooked politicians.
So the next time you see Fluffy, kick her in her perfect little butt and tell her to think for herself. She doesn't have to look like a cookie cutter woman... She can choose health instead.